Dear Southern California Drivers Part 1

Please Stop driving.

Credit for the above link goes to Allie Brosh.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Seriously though, I'm rather annoyed with all the drivers ever in the History of ever being full of the suck.  I'm fairly certain that turn signals do not, in fact, come in the shade of invisible.  I can't take credit for that either, my friend said it once in my car and now I can't stop telling people that.

If you're going to merge into another lane, it's appropriate to use your turn signal.  If you're going to make a left or right turn, it is appropriate to use your turn signal.  If you have decided in the middle of the intersection that you actually need to cut across all of the traffic and make that left turn, it is appropriate to use your turn signal.

It is NOT appropriate to use your turn signal when:
1.  You are not going to change lanes, turn, or otherwise react to the turn signal that you just turned on.
2.  There are no turns for the next 100+ miles.
3.  On the freeway in the middle of traffic.  Unles you're getting off at the next nearest exit, stay right where you are.  I promise you that the traffic is no better one lane over.
4.  You are going to merge into another lane and then decide that you actually wanted to be in that other lane, and then you decide once more that you wanted to be in the lane you originally merged into because you're going to be turning at the intersection that's barely ten feet away.  Make a U-turn.
5.  You want to make sure that they work.  Unless you are parked in a driveway, or out of the way of people driving.

Furthermore, the world will not end if you miss your turn and need to make a U-turn.  Everybody does it at some point.

Just because there is a police officer does not mean that you need to drive 20 miles below the speed limit.  In fact, if there is a police officer nearby do me a favor and go 20 above the speed limit.  If nothing else it'll get you out of my way.

Rain, despite whatever it is you were taught in whatever half baked traffic school you thought was there on your trip, also does not mean that the world is ending.  The proper reaction to rain while driving is to slow down enough that you can react appropriately to whatever may happen that "wouldn't" normally happen on a dry day.

I think this should also have a big Part 1 on it, so I'm going to add that right now.  I have so many more complaints about driving, and I'll add them in, in the future.  For now, I'm going to pick up a friend and cook some food.  Remember: if you like it, spread it like the plague.

People Watching 1

                I apologize in advance to my unknown friends, but as it turns out I have accidentally found a new segment for my blog.  I’m thoroughly amused by people watching.  It’s an activity I picked up thirteen years ago because I didn’t really care to play with the other children, so I’d watch them instead.  Over the years I feel like I’ve become rather skilled at it; keep that in mind as you read on.

                On my left is a drug dealer that thinks he’s being discreet about his dark activities, or maybe his euphemisms are for his boyfriend, and he doesn’t want to be “out” in the open, on my right is a woman with better cardio than the Flash, there’s a boy no more than thirteen who’s unsupervised after dark, and the single black man mixed in a wave of his previous oppressors.  Seriously, in the entire gym there is one black guy and the rest of the people here are white.  I can’t help but wonder how safe he feels, and I’m not even in L.A.

                Oh look I was right; the “drug dealer” is not really a drug dealer at all, in fact he’s a Not Drug Dealer.  I see him now making out with his boyfriend just outside the gym; odd, seeing as he was trying to hide his homosexuality from the people around him, but he’ll kiss another boy in a parking lot.

                Now the Not Drug Dealer’s boyfriend is in the gym, and he just kissed a girl.  Apparently they’re both repressed homosexuals, but they’ll still make out in the parking lot right outside the gym that they were hiding their homosexuality from.  Human people are weird.  On the plus side, Unsupervised Boy now has a father thing, and Supervised Unsupervised Boy is eyeing Repressed Homosexual, but not in the “I want you” way more in the “I know your secret” kind of way.

                Lady Cardio has revealed herself to be Supervised Unsupervised Boy’s mother, and the Not Father is her boyfriend, but not husband.  My assumption would be that she’s divorced, she doesn’t wear the ring which rules out widow unless she hated the man, and this is her new boyfriend.  Of course that’s only an assumption.

                Supervised Unsupervised Boy still keeps eyeing Repressed Homosexual, and I still can’t make their connection.  They’re not brothers because Lady Cardio made no reaction to him kissing the boy outside and then the girl inside, and I know she noticed because she giggled at it with me.  She’s actually kind of nice, but she’s gone now so I don’t really have much else on her for you.

                The Black Guy has wandered over to Repressed Homosexual.  It appears he has found his way into my narrative.  Black Guy has to be close to 30, and Repressed Homosexual is no more than 17, so I can’t guess their relation.  Maybe Black Guy is an uncle or something.  They did a bro hug.  Maybe he’s a family friend.  Or a butler.  Maybe I shouldn’t make those kinds of guesses.

                A connection has been made!  Get this: Supervised Unsupervised Boy slipped away from Not Dad to sell drugs to the Repressed Homosexual.  I knew there would be a drug deal in here somewhere.  Girlfriend of Repressed Homosexual seems to be more interested in Supervised Unsupervised Boy than anyone else in the gym.

                There was about thirty minutes of very little activity right here.  Then:

                Black Guy left the building with another brohug to Repressed Homosexual.  Girlfriend left with a goodbye kiss, only to be replaced by Not Drug Dealer who is now sharing machines with Repressed Homosexual.  Lady Cardio returned to pick up Supervised Unsupervised Boy and Not Father, and my time on the treadmill has expired.

                I did not anticipate Lady Cardio, Black Guy, Not Father, Supervised Unsupervised Boy, Repressed Homosexual, Not Drug Dealer, and Girlfriend to be connected.  When I People Watch I generally see everything that’s going on beneath me (because the Treadmills are upstairs overlooking everything), so I picked seven random people to tell you about, and they all turned out to be, in one way or another, interconnected.  I am mildly amused, but I highly doubt that will happen every People Watching session.  This was also over the course of 45minutes, usually I’m there for an hour to an hour and a half, so the next People Watching will be longer than this.  Anyway, I have people to entertain.  If you like it, spread it like the plague!