Things That Seem Like A Really Great Idea At 2 In The Morning But Really Are Not So Great Of An Idea

1: Blogging
2: Taking a picture of yourself and posting it online

3: Being awake
4: Giving advice to children when it's way past their bed time
5: Waking up children when it's way past their bed time
6: Sword fighting
7: Vowing to be more responsible
8: Trying to succeed at number 7 before the sun comes up
9: Counting (You can't see it now, but I tried to skip number 8 and go straight to 9)
10: Using parentheses
11: Using a keyboard
12: Making a list
13: Reading a book that you really like, then when you wake up you realize that your book mark has been moved, but you have no idea what happened between the last time you read and where the book mark is now.  Furthermore, you have no idea where the book mark was before, so you spend the next 4 hours trying to find where the book mark was only to found out that you're now late for class and can't read the book anyway.  Don't read after 2 AM it's a bad idea.
14: Making promises
15: Saying anything that you'll need to remember the next day

On a side note, I realize that part 1 of 3oP should have been done by now, but (long story short) my graphics card crapped out on me and I needed a new computer, so when we got the new computer we transferred over all of my data.  I can't find where I saved part 1 of 3oP.  I've been kinda bummed that I'll have to retype it; on the plus side it's only 10 pages, and I've typed it once already, so it shouldn't be too difficult to do.  I know it seems like I"ve made a lot of unfulfilled promises, but this time I'm going to keep it!  I want to have that story done by the end of next week.  I have a million alarms telling me when to sit down and type it, and I have a friend that's going to help me whether she knows it or not.

On another side note, I've been meeting some really stupid people through a friend of mine on Facebook.  I'm kind of questioning whether I care enough to go out and meet new people because the people he knows are the kind of people I'd run into if I were to join Friend where she's been wanting to take me.  Anyway, short post today to let everyone know I haven't quit on this project yet.  I'll have another one very soon.  If you like it, spread it like the plague.

Also, I'm sure there's tons of grammar errors in this post.  I'll go back over it tomorrow and correct myself.  Well, later today anyway.

Honesty

Over the years I've learned that complete honesty is the best way to get things done.  In the spirit of honesty, I feel like I should explain why I haven't yet posted up the Three of Prophecy when it's no longer January.  So the following is the complete and honest truth to explain my inability to keep my word:

I was abducted by illegal aliens that were planning to sell me across the Canadian border!  Yeah that's what happened...sure.  They let me go when I convinced them that I was famous, and my brother was a marine, so I'd be like a top high profile case that Brenda Johnson would be investigating, so they'd stand no chance at freedom.  Yeah...

In all seriousness though, it IS done, but I'm putting some final touches on it and making sure the grammar is all top notch because it would be incredibly embarrassing to submit my first story with all the grammar mistakes ever.  Remember how I said I don't get embarrassed at anything ever?  Well I wasn't lying necessarily, except with my stories.  For whatever reason I get much more personally invested with my stories than with anything else ever.  Well maybe family too, but they don't embarrass me.  I do get all weird when people tell me that I made a contingency error like in one story the doors are 30 feet tall, and in the sequel they were 50 feet tall.  I'm the best.

Anyway, I'm guesstimating that 3oP part 1 will be up later tonight or tomorrow.  I'll give a status update later, and I'll probably put the link to 3oP at the end of this post.  If I do then I'll change the title of this one to let you know I did definitely do that.

If I Ran The Download Process

First: I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while; I've been sick.

Second: Why does the mighty rule for titles require "the" to not be capitalized?  I tried to put the title of this post with "the" not capitalized, and it looked really weird!

Third: The real blog post:

Recently I have incurred quite a few more "would you like to downloads" than I have in the past.  Apparently to do anything you must first download nine different pre-programs, which require another three pre-programs each, and those sometimes require more pre-programs, and when you have all the pre-programs ever in the History of ever installed you might be able to finally play the game that you spent $20 for.  Furthermore, they don't alert you that while downloading any of these pre-programs, you are not allowed to touch your computer.  If you are to do anything with your computer while it is in the process of downloading, it is 900 times more likely to malfunction, shut off, die, or implode.

I have a solution to this problem:

Instead of having 27+ pre-programs to install, I would design a single program with the size of those 27 programs that would do all the same things that those programs do, but all in one simple program.  Also, when downloading my program you would have four options when it is prompted: Would you like to download?

Yes.  No.  Help.  (Those three usually come with any download that you see, my addition would be:)  Will downloading this program rend my computer useless for the next four and a half days?

If you were to click that last program there would be a single simple answer: yes.  Now it'll be very simple for you to get all of the programs you could possibly need to play any game you might want to play.  In the next few pages that people usually skip, rather than giving a long list of things that you need to know about using this device, I'd put a few simple reminders:

1) If you have any other game installed, you have likely already downloaded this pre-program and do not need to waste the next four days of your life to find the pop-up that reads: "Would you like to replace the originally saved program, or would you like to cancel your download?"

2) Do not break the law by using this program.  (Because most of the time the terms of use are federal, local, or state law in most places and really don't need to be listed because if you don't follow the law you get in trouble regardless of whether I went to the trouble of informing you what the law is.)

3) Please treat others using this program with the same respect that you hope to receive for waiting four days to play a video game.  (Just because that's common courtesy.)

After sifting through the "warnings," the download would begin.  I've noticed that the download process is rather boring.  A blue line begins to grow.  Well that captivates my attention for about 20 seconds, then I want something new.  I would allow you to select what downloading screen you would like to watch, and my choices would range from duelling dragons to strobe lights to television shows to funny pictures.  I think that would be much more interesting than some bland blue line.

Also, I would not enable a cancel button.  If you didn't want to download the program, you shouldn't have chosen to download it in the first place.  I've had it happen too many times: my brother gets angry at me so he cancels a fourteen hour download, my cat jumps onto the desk and some bad luck cancels a seven hour download (which I didn't get to see until I got home from school three hours later), or an earthquake knocks the mouse onto the floor and clicks the button right on the cancel button (it happens).  I would have no cancel button.

Finally, when the program is done downloading, there would be an explosion of fireworks, and a congradulatory applause with people cheering!  I've always felt that having the patienct to wait for days on end for something to download deserved praise.  When it was all said and done, there would be no question of whether you were absolutely sure you wanted to save it, and no afterward thank yous or anything because I'm sure that after dealing with me for four days, you don't want my thanks.  The fireworks and cheers would end, and the program would leave your screen to forever work in the background while you play your video game without ever acknowledging that you have my program again.  When it felt like it wasn't getting enough credit for your ability to slay the level 96 Dragonkinwarlockelderblogmasterrule34 boss, it would infect your computer with a terrible, uncurable, monitor destroying virus.

And it would be so worth all the sueing that I would later incur.

If you like it, spread it like the plague.

Drugs, Sex, and Prophecy

I haven’t been feeling very well lately.  I think I’ve acquired the cold.  I hate the cold, and I’m very sure that it hates me too.  So I’ve been taking Dayquil and Nyquil lately, but apparently while you’re on one or the other, it doesn’t become clear which one you took last, and you don’t take into account the time of day that it actually is.  The point is, I took Dayquil just a few hours ago and here I am at 4 in the morning.  As if insomnia wasn’t bad enough on its own.

The good news is that I had a lot of time to type.  The better news is that the Three of Prophecy is almost done!  I’m pretty sure that’s the same news twice in a row, but I’m high on Dayquil at 4 in the morning, so forgive me.  I’m hoping to be able to post 3oP (that’s my clever little acronym for the Three of Prophecy, which I’m sure you caught on to seeing as I was just talking about it, but I feel the need to clarify anyway) by the end of next week; if that doesn’t happen, then I’m sure it will be up by the week after that.  I guesstimated the end of January, and here we are; although, I can’t relish in victory yet because I haven’t posted it yet.

I’m pretty certain that I have dropped my handheld gaming device into some sort of dimensional rift that leads to a land of horrible electronic eating demons.  It’s been missing for a few weeks now, and all the “last places” that I’ve seen it at, and all of the usual places I find it at have no traces of where it could have gone to.  Maybe it really did grow legs and walk away this time!  I don’t think that believing inanimate objects could become animate makes you necessarily crazy.

Also, we got a letter in the mail today (or yesterday) that alerted us that one of my not-ex-teachers was arrested for statutory rape.  I knew about this four months ago.  Good job keeping up with the times there, the School District.  I guess it does pay to be in the inner circle.

Okay!  Well I’ve run out of things to discuss, and my main point was that overdosing and not looking at what you take before ingesting it is a bad idea, so don’t follow my responsible lead children!  So I’m going to go run laps or something until I fall asleep.  If you like it, spread it like the plague!

Dear Southern California Drivers Part 1

Please Stop driving.

Credit for the above link goes to Allie Brosh.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Seriously though, I'm rather annoyed with all the drivers ever in the History of ever being full of the suck.  I'm fairly certain that turn signals do not, in fact, come in the shade of invisible.  I can't take credit for that either, my friend said it once in my car and now I can't stop telling people that.

If you're going to merge into another lane, it's appropriate to use your turn signal.  If you're going to make a left or right turn, it is appropriate to use your turn signal.  If you have decided in the middle of the intersection that you actually need to cut across all of the traffic and make that left turn, it is appropriate to use your turn signal.

It is NOT appropriate to use your turn signal when:
1.  You are not going to change lanes, turn, or otherwise react to the turn signal that you just turned on.
2.  There are no turns for the next 100+ miles.
3.  On the freeway in the middle of traffic.  Unles you're getting off at the next nearest exit, stay right where you are.  I promise you that the traffic is no better one lane over.
4.  You are going to merge into another lane and then decide that you actually wanted to be in that other lane, and then you decide once more that you wanted to be in the lane you originally merged into because you're going to be turning at the intersection that's barely ten feet away.  Make a U-turn.
5.  You want to make sure that they work.  Unless you are parked in a driveway, or out of the way of people driving.

Furthermore, the world will not end if you miss your turn and need to make a U-turn.  Everybody does it at some point.

Just because there is a police officer does not mean that you need to drive 20 miles below the speed limit.  In fact, if there is a police officer nearby do me a favor and go 20 above the speed limit.  If nothing else it'll get you out of my way.

Rain, despite whatever it is you were taught in whatever half baked traffic school you thought was there on your trip, also does not mean that the world is ending.  The proper reaction to rain while driving is to slow down enough that you can react appropriately to whatever may happen that "wouldn't" normally happen on a dry day.

I think this should also have a big Part 1 on it, so I'm going to add that right now.  I have so many more complaints about driving, and I'll add them in, in the future.  For now, I'm going to pick up a friend and cook some food.  Remember: if you like it, spread it like the plague.

People Watching 1

                I apologize in advance to my unknown friends, but as it turns out I have accidentally found a new segment for my blog.  I’m thoroughly amused by people watching.  It’s an activity I picked up thirteen years ago because I didn’t really care to play with the other children, so I’d watch them instead.  Over the years I feel like I’ve become rather skilled at it; keep that in mind as you read on.

                On my left is a drug dealer that thinks he’s being discreet about his dark activities, or maybe his euphemisms are for his boyfriend, and he doesn’t want to be “out” in the open, on my right is a woman with better cardio than the Flash, there’s a boy no more than thirteen who’s unsupervised after dark, and the single black man mixed in a wave of his previous oppressors.  Seriously, in the entire gym there is one black guy and the rest of the people here are white.  I can’t help but wonder how safe he feels, and I’m not even in L.A.

                Oh look I was right; the “drug dealer” is not really a drug dealer at all, in fact he’s a Not Drug Dealer.  I see him now making out with his boyfriend just outside the gym; odd, seeing as he was trying to hide his homosexuality from the people around him, but he’ll kiss another boy in a parking lot.

                Now the Not Drug Dealer’s boyfriend is in the gym, and he just kissed a girl.  Apparently they’re both repressed homosexuals, but they’ll still make out in the parking lot right outside the gym that they were hiding their homosexuality from.  Human people are weird.  On the plus side, Unsupervised Boy now has a father thing, and Supervised Unsupervised Boy is eyeing Repressed Homosexual, but not in the “I want you” way more in the “I know your secret” kind of way.

                Lady Cardio has revealed herself to be Supervised Unsupervised Boy’s mother, and the Not Father is her boyfriend, but not husband.  My assumption would be that she’s divorced, she doesn’t wear the ring which rules out widow unless she hated the man, and this is her new boyfriend.  Of course that’s only an assumption.

                Supervised Unsupervised Boy still keeps eyeing Repressed Homosexual, and I still can’t make their connection.  They’re not brothers because Lady Cardio made no reaction to him kissing the boy outside and then the girl inside, and I know she noticed because she giggled at it with me.  She’s actually kind of nice, but she’s gone now so I don’t really have much else on her for you.

                The Black Guy has wandered over to Repressed Homosexual.  It appears he has found his way into my narrative.  Black Guy has to be close to 30, and Repressed Homosexual is no more than 17, so I can’t guess their relation.  Maybe Black Guy is an uncle or something.  They did a bro hug.  Maybe he’s a family friend.  Or a butler.  Maybe I shouldn’t make those kinds of guesses.

                A connection has been made!  Get this: Supervised Unsupervised Boy slipped away from Not Dad to sell drugs to the Repressed Homosexual.  I knew there would be a drug deal in here somewhere.  Girlfriend of Repressed Homosexual seems to be more interested in Supervised Unsupervised Boy than anyone else in the gym.

                There was about thirty minutes of very little activity right here.  Then:

                Black Guy left the building with another brohug to Repressed Homosexual.  Girlfriend left with a goodbye kiss, only to be replaced by Not Drug Dealer who is now sharing machines with Repressed Homosexual.  Lady Cardio returned to pick up Supervised Unsupervised Boy and Not Father, and my time on the treadmill has expired.

                I did not anticipate Lady Cardio, Black Guy, Not Father, Supervised Unsupervised Boy, Repressed Homosexual, Not Drug Dealer, and Girlfriend to be connected.  When I People Watch I generally see everything that’s going on beneath me (because the Treadmills are upstairs overlooking everything), so I picked seven random people to tell you about, and they all turned out to be, in one way or another, interconnected.  I am mildly amused, but I highly doubt that will happen every People Watching session.  This was also over the course of 45minutes, usually I’m there for an hour to an hour and a half, so the next People Watching will be longer than this.  Anyway, I have people to entertain.  If you like it, spread it like the plague!

I Promise You There Is a Method to My Madness

            I sleep until an hour after my alarm goes off almost every day.  It’s not even my fault!  My alarm goes off at 10, I know it does because I turn it off and fall right back to sleep.  Then I wake up between 10:55 and 11:03 every day.  I will then, sluggishly, crawl down the hall to my computer where I play WoW or write for the next hour.  Then it’s lunch time.

            And of course I eat completely healthily for lunch; my diet ranges from ninety-four microwave hot wings to a full meal and a half from Panda Express.  Oh and chips.  I have chips with everything.  I’m not partial to which type of chips I want either; it really depends on what’s in the house.  I avoid those stupid Baked chips like the plague though!  They taste all dried and terrible, but if you like them, then you can have my share.  That’s how generous I am.

            After lunch I might take a shower.  It really depends on what’s happening that day.  If I’m meeting people I’ll usually shower, but if they’re people that don’t shower themselves then I don’t bother most of the time.  Unless I feel dirty.  That usually happens after not showering for three days, but I try to avoid that.

            At this point Desperate Housewives is usually recorded, and there’s about an hour before I need to pick up my brother.  So I’ll watch that and then pick him up from school.  There’s almost always a Selena Gomez, Alanis Morissette, Reba, P!nk, or a mix CD on, and I think my music kind of bothers him, but that’s one of the best parts about being the driver.  Everyone has to put up with what I like to listen to.

            After picking up my brother my day will usually continue on the computer, or I’ll get a random text from a friend to hang out.  At one or two in the morning I will finally go to sleep.  This is a general day in the life of me.

            For 2011, I hope to change that.  I don’t like being able to chop up my day into a five paragraph story and know that it will be repeating every single day.  This thought bothers me.  So I’ve taken up a few new hobbies:

            First, I have signed up for the gym.  I figure if I get myself out of the house more often, I might have more energy and therefore do more things.  If I do more things then there won’t be enough to do in one day, and my logic says that if there’s too much to have not enough time to do it all in one day, then every day will be different.  Right?  I think so.

            Second, I have taken up the hobby of cooking.  It doesn’t seem like a big change to think about right now, but I think that if I start cooking I’ll spend less time on WoW because I feel obligated to do my blog and my stories.  So if I add cooking a bunch of meals for everyone to my plate (see what I did there?  I’m so crafty.) then I’ll be able to be more responsible!  I just came to that conclusion right now: cooking makes you responsible.  I think everyone should take up cooking.  Actually that’s a terrible idea because if I become a chef, but everybody takes up cooking, then I can’t get a job.  Guys, be less responsible than I am and don’t take up cooking.

            Lastly, I started my blog.  I’m outlandishly thinking that I’ll get super famous by posting these blogs and become like a super blogger, and with the support of all my imaginary fans I’ll make millions without having to get a real job.  I’ve heard of stories where it happens, so why couldn’t it happen to me?  I think that by exaggerating my expectations, one of two things will happen.  Either I’ll be right and everyone will love me with all the love ever, and I’ll make millions off the fame, or I’ll be so super crushed (that’s another exaggeration, don’t feel obligated to love my blog) by my failure that I’ll get a real job and make a steady income without the fame part.  I might also finally write my novel because with this whole blog thing I’m going to be posting some short stories onto my deviantart (which I’ll link later), and I might develop an actual style and come up with a way to start the Legend.  You’ll see me call it the Legend often, but I probably won’t go into any detail about it.

            Apart from that, I hope to update on all the things I do, as well as post short stories and maybe even some long stories.  I love constructive criticism, so don’t be afraid to tell me what you didn’t like or understand.  I enjoy helping people understand me because I know I have a very distinct way of conveying my messages.

            After rereading this post it seems like a much better intro post than the one I used.  Whatever I’ll use this as a secondary intro post.  That’s not breaking the rules, right?  I don’t think so.  Anyway, I’m working on the Three of Prophecy story.  I’m not good at summaries, but basically what you’ll have to look forward to is these three girls who will all be raised by the same woman at the same time on different parts of the planet of Ablgath.  When they all meet, they learn that their combined destiny is to save the world from a good Dragon driven mad, but certain things don’t quite add up.

            Hopefully it won’t take too long to type up.  I’ve started working on it yesterday, and I think it’ll be done before the end of January because it is a short story so it won’t be novel length.  Oh you’ll also find my stories don’t really end.  I mean they do for that part of the story, but I write sagas and chronicles all over the place, and I really enjoy reusing characters.  The person you’ll find that the most with is Jeo.  I don’t know what happened, but when I made him I fell in love with him, and now he’s everywhere.  He won’t ever be a main character though, that’s our agreement.

            I feel like my ability to cook far outweighs my ability to bake.  I don’t bake sweets very well.  I always leave them in a little too long, and I get the same complaint every time.  It’s a little burnt on the bottom.  Never the side, never the top, never the middle.  It’s a little burnt on the bottom.  Well screw you the bottom!  Although, I’ve never received a complaint for my cooking.  That really only serves to feed my ego.  (Man I’m good at the cooking analogies!)

            I think I might be slightly narcissistic.  Actually I’ve always known that.  I can’t help it if I like myself!  Anyone who doesn’t like me just doesn’t know what they’re missing.  I do know that I’m very intelligent, and I’m sleeping with grammar.  It’s totally my Sophomore English teacher’s fault too.  She was such a grammar Nazi!  Above all else, if your grammar was perfect you got an “A.”  Needless to say I passed her class with flying colors.  Narcissism.

            I am also very conniving.  I come up with these elaborate schemes to make things end up how I want them to, and most of the time I don’t even mean to.  I remember when I was younger I’d do it just to avoid the boredom of everybody else’s melancholy ideas, and then I did it so much that it became second nature.  Now I don’t even notice when I do it most of the time.  I need a friend to smack me and let me know that I’m being a jerk.

            Anyway, I think I’m going to go watch reruns of the Closer until something interesting happens.  Final episode of the season is later today!  I’m so excited you have no idea.  Enjoy life!  If you like it, spread it like the plague.